Binge by Jennifer Foor Blog Tour
Flynn & Aria Roberts have had plenty of ups and downs during their seven year marriage. Everyone warned them not to wed so young - that they'd be missing out on the key years when people grow from young adults to mature individuals.
The only thing holding them
together now is their
love for each other,
and even that is becoming questionable.
To save the marriage, and the family they've already started, Flynn and Aria come up with an unconventional solution to help them find what's missing in their relationship.
The only problem is doing so involves rediscovering themselves completely, even if it requires them to be unfaithful.
Can a marriage survive
when vows are broken, or will chance encounters prove they've been missing out all-along?
Give in to
Jennifer Foor is an award winning Contemporary Romance Author. She's best known for the Mitchell Family Series, which includes ten books.
She is married with two children and spends most of her time behind a keyboard, writing stories that come from her heart.
AMAZON AUTHOR: http://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-Foor/e/B007QVEKI E/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1408370369&sr=8-2-entNewsletter: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dipP6bUS15MXliIo344XXbS41J9PDGcfCkgD4P10tnI/viewform
Caroline led me upstairs to the guest room. We both sat down on the bed and she started on me right away about it. “Look, I’m not trying to push you away, I just think there’s more to your problems than sex. I’m afraid we’re going to complicate your situation if we go through with something tonight. I need you to really think about what’s at stake here.”
“You said it yourself. It’s just sex. I want to have fun, feel alive, and be able to have sex that isn’t the same every single time. I want to witness two people connect in ways I never knew possible. I want to be able to know how to seduce someone without worrying they’re appalled by my appearance. I need something fresh and new. That’s why I’m doing this.”
“I don’t know, Aria. It might be a bad idea to add fuel to the fire.”
“Don’t back out now. Please. I’ve come this far. I want to do it.” She was wrong about me. Nothing could stop me from going through with it. I'd pumped myself up for the occasion.
“Do what? You said you wanted to watch, but I don’t think you really do. I feel as if this is some way to secretly pay your husband back without screwing a stranger. It’s wrong. Revenge will give you nothing but regret.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. It’s obvious.” She fidgeted with her hands as she spoke. I was feeling angry. This wasn’t the friend who wanted to help me. She was pushing me away like everyone else had in my life. “Aria, you don’t want to be a swinger. You’re intrigued by the idea of it. I think you struggle from a chemical imbalance that causes you to be confused. All the signs are there. You’re indecisive, compulsive, and sometimes depressing to be around. I adore you. You know that. I’m just telling you how I see it. I want to help.”
“No, you don’t know me at all.” I stood up and backed away from her, crossing my arms over my chest. I didn’t want to feel this way. I hated thinking about my past and what my childhood was like. “My mother is bipolar. She was always depressed and her mood swings were unbearable,” I admitted in a whisper. “She’d leave for days and come back acting as if nothing happened. When she was off her meds it was worse. I never knew what to expect, and I couldn’t count on her for anything. I’m not like that. I’m a good mother. I’d never leave my daughter.”
“You know that’s hereditary, right?”
I shrugged. “It can’t be true. I’m nothing like her.” As the words exited my lips I knew I was fooling no one. The truth was more obvious than ever before. “I’m twenty five years old and I want to learn more about sex and my body. That’s all this is, I assure you. I have fantasized so many times about watching and being watched. I want to experience it at least once in my life. I want to know if it’s as pleasurable in person. Is it wrong to want to be naughty for once in my life? How long do I have to play the role of being perfect and innocent? Maybe I have desires I need to fulfill. Maybe it’s time I have a sexual bender and get it out of my system. Now, I appreciate you caring about me, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m all in for tonight. You’ll see. I need this, Caroline. Please don’t back out on me. It’s not like I can ask someone else. I don’t want to wait and do it later, because I’ll either chicken out or take Flynn back and feel horrible for cheating. I feel like something inside of me is broken. I’ve never been good enough in my own eyes. Right now I’m prepared, I’m ready to explore my sexuality. I’m comfortable with you. I trust you. I know you won’t let me take it too far. You’ll keep me safe, and that’s why I’m ready for this.”
Caroline stood up and walked toward the door. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I value our friendship. I just don’t want you to have regrets, Aria. You don’t have to do this to be my friend. I like the person you are, and I’m here for you no matter what. I hope you’re not mad.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m just nothing like my mother. She wouldn’t have stuck around with Flynn like I have. She would have given up. I just know I’m never going to be satisfied until I know for sure he’s all I want.”
“Okay, then it's settled. See you in a bit,” she replied with a fake smile.
I didn’t frown until the door was closed. I wasn’t about to let her back out of our plans tonight. Even if it was revenge, I was still going through with it. I was tired of being the only person who felt inexperienced. Flynn cheated on me. Why was it so wrong for me to have some fun too? If I didn’t like it I’d stop. It was that simple.
“I don’t understand. Are you telling me to go out and pretend I’m single?”
“Whatever it takes to help you. I already know what I want, but I’m not coming home until you know. Saying it and meaning it is different. If we’re going to have a future, we need to be friends. Right now you hate me. I have to stay away from you, because being in the same room causes me to break. Aria, I swear I love you. I love you so much it fucking hurts, but I can’t be the reason our marriage doesn’t work. You have to love yourself. It’s important for you to see what everyone else does when they look at you. You need to fulfill your desires, even if they don’t include me. I’m giving you my blessing, not because I want to lose you, but more because I need you to fight for us.”
I knew all along the problems were more with me.
Something was wrong inside my head. I felt like I wasn’t control of my own wants and needs.
I couldn’t trust.
I couldn’t allow myself to be satisfied by him because of that.
I wanted more because I’d let those feelings cloud what was important.
I pushed him away so that I didn’t have to feel betrayed and dirty.
I had such elusive fantasies to hide the fact that I was jealous he got to expericne more than me.
None of this was about being a nymphomaniac. I’d slept with one man for my whole life. I’d stuck it out, even when my heart was torn apart. I’d done all of those things because I knew he was the only one for me, yet I was unable to grasp how to accept his flaws, and get past them. I wanted to believe that he wanted to cheat all the time because it was easier for me to do that then accept he hadn’t wanted me. Maybe I was the bad one all along.
While still a blubbering mess, I picked up the phone and dialed Flynn’s number. I needed to hear his voice.
He sounded groggy. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” My voice was low to hide my emotions.
“Are you crying?”
It was easier to lie. “No, I’m fine.”
“Aria, you can’t hide that from me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“There is something wrong with me, Flynn. I’m confused all the time. I keep making one bad decision after another. Maybe I deserve to be alone. Maybe you should have left a long time ago.”
“I stayed because I love you. I might have a shitty way of showing it, but I’ve love you for as long as I can remember. That’s never going to change, even if we’re not together.”
I sobbed on my end of the phone. It was so clear that Flynn was tired of my head games. “I’m so sorry for my part in this.”
“I deserved most of it I suppose. It’s not like I’m perfect. I made mistakes I wish I could take back; mistakes that hurt you beyond belief. I’d do anything to erase the things from your memory, though we both know it’s not possible. I keep thinking about everything, wondering the exact moment when everything went to shit. I talk to Dr. Ellis about this yesterday. She said…”
“Wait. What did you say? You talked to Dr. Ellis yesterday? Was it over the phone?” It was the weekend. She didn’t have office hours. Were my fears about them being together confirmed?
“No, I saw her. She was at the same place I was staying. She showed up yesterday and we went out to dinner.”
I couldn’t hear anymore of this. “I thought we were having a good conversation. I thought it was progress. The truth is you’re never going to change. This call was a mistake, but at least it’s proven you can never be trusted.”
I hung up and turned my phone off so he couldn’t call me back. Determined to leave the house before he could show up and tell me more lies, I started getting ready for the big event. Now more than ever I wanted to rid myself of the hole he’d left in my heart. I was going to go through with my plans, and even guilt wasn’t going to stop me.